Hey there incredible human! Welcome to One Infinite Life.
My name is Chloe and I'm an award-winning Certified Life Coach and writer with a background in psychology.
My mission (the quick version) to to help you get the most out of your one infinite life.
I hope you find something here that makes your day (or life) better than it was before!
I acknowledge the Boonwurrung people of the Kulin nations where One Infinite Life is operated from. I pay my respects to Elders past, present and emerging and also to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in my community and wider network.
On the Internet — and especially in the self-development world — we’re often bombarded with this advice:
Follow your passion.
We’re told that if we follow our passions it will lead to our purpose — and ultimately we will find happiness.
But honestly, I don’t believe in this advice (which may surprise you because I’m a life coach!) Because the truth is that following your passion is only part of the equation.
So in this post I’m going to explain why I believe this and also share with you the advice I choose to live by instead.
Here’s what I believe is the truth about following your passion…
First of all, I want to make it super clear that passions are awesome. And I truly believe that they help us to forge a path to our true purpose, to what work will be meaningful to us and to what will make us truly happy.
However… I believe that in order to be truly happy and fulfilled — it’s just not enough to follow your passions.
Because whatever it is that you’re passionate about isn’t going to make you happy all the time.
In regards to doing absolutely anything in life, there’s always going to be undesirable stuff that comes along with it — a so called “shit sandwich” as Mark Manson and Liz Gilbert call it.
This may sound negative, deflating and pessimistic — however I’ve found it to be truly empowering.
Mark and Liz believe that the secret to finding your true purpose is to answer this question:
“What’s your favourite flavour of shit sandwich?”
Meaning: What are you willing to endure in order to do the thing that you love?
Mark says that “Everything sucks, some of the time” and no matter how amazing something may seem — absolutely everything comes along with some stuff that’s not-so-awesome.
So, what are you willing to have suck (some of the time) to do the thing that lights you up (some of the time)?
That’s the magic right there. And I love how Liz puts this in Big Magic:
“Because if you love and want something enough—whatever it is—then you don’t really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it”
That’s the path to help you uncover what your real purpose is, to what work will be meaningful for you and to what will make you happy.
If it truly fulfils and sustains you to do something, then you will accept and embrace everything that comes along with it — even the not-so-awesome stuff.
So the question is not so much “What are you passionate about?” The question is “What are you passionate enough about that you can endure the most disagreeable aspects of the work?” — Liz Gilbert
What do you love doing so much that you’re willing to devour a whole picnic basket full of “shit sandwiches” so you can do it?
And on the other hand — it’s worth considering what you’re not willing to do this for as well.
Because if you’re passionate about something and it and it’s truly worth it to you, you’ll gladly endure whatever comes a long with it.
This concept is also explored by Todd Henry in Die Empty (which I’m currently reading and loving). He calls it “The Passion Fallacy.”
“We hear quips like “find the right job and you’ll never work a day in your life” and we think that there is a panacea awaiting us if we can only tap into our real passion. This misunderstanding has led to confusion about where valuable contributions come from and has created a false notion of what it means to engage in gratifying work”
Your real passion isn’t going to be amazingly awesome all the time. As Mark says: “Everything involves sacrifice. Everything includes some sort of cost. Nothing is pleasurable or uplifting all of the time.”
I think sometimes we can easily get caught up in the idea that if we’re meant to be doing something it would be easy and enjoyable all the time.
But the truth is your real passion might not be easy at all — it might even be the hardest and most challenging thing you’ll do — but that doesn’t mean that whatever it is isn’t your true passion.
Todd says:
Instead of asking “What would bring me enjoyment?” which is how many people think about following their passion, we should instead ask “What work am I willing to suffer for today?”
Of course, this doesn’t mean enduring something for the sake of it, that’s not what this is about.
It means that when you’re doing something that’s important to you and to your mission in life, you will have to accept (and endure) all that comes along with it — both the good and the bad.
You need to make a choice about what is worth it embracing the not-so-awesome stuff that comes along with it.
“So the question becomes: what struggle or sacrifice are you willing to tolerate?”— Mark Manson
I also love how this concept also gives us permission to not love what we do 100% of the time. It shines a light on the fact that even if you love what you do, you might not love it all the time. And that’s okay.
An insight into this in my own life
I’m really passionate about food and cooking, so much so, that you’ll find me in the kitchen most days cooking stuff and experimenting. Even though I’m really passionate about this, I know it’s not for me, because I’m not willing to endure the hot kitchens, cooking all day everyday, the stressful services, the long and inconvenient hours, etc.
Funnily enough, my boyfriend — who is a chef — is willing to endure all the above, because for him it’s truly worth it.
On the other hand, I’m also really passionate about spreading a message of empowerment and supporting people to achieve their dreams and live a life they love, I’m so passionate about this and I want to do is so much that I’m willing to endure the long days sitting at the computer, putting in the effort without the instant reward, dealing with the challenge of putting myself out there online, being seen, facing criticism, the slow growth and trust building, and the steady and consistent pay check, etc.
Those are the “shit sandwiches” I’ll willing eat — and keep coming back for more again and again.
Because when I ask myself is this worth it? I truly know that the answer is YES.
It doesn’t matter what path you’re on, there’s going to be not-so-awesome stuff that comes along with it that you’ll have to accept in order to do that thing that you love.
For example:
If you want to sell your handmade jewellery at your local markets —you’ll have to accept getting up early and working on the weekends.
If you want to be a copy writer or ghost writer, you’ll have to accept that you’re words are going to be featured under someone else’s name.
If you want to be a counsellor — you’ll have to accept that you’ll spend your days listening to other people’s struggles.
If you want to be a professional dancer — you’ll have to endure training for hours upon hours every single day.
If you want to write a book — you’ll have to accept that you’re work may be rejected by publishes time and time again.
If you want to be a psychologist — you’ll have to accept the 6 years of university study that is required of you.
And so on…
But this idea also applies to so much more than just our vocational pursuits…
If you want to learn to surf (but are afraid of the ocean) — you’ve got to accept that you’ll have to face this fear in order to do this.
If you want to travel the world for a year — you’ll have to accept that you’ll be without the comforts of your home and away from your family and friends for that time.
If you want to go snowboarding for the first time — you’ll have to accept that you’re probably going to face plant head first into the snow at some stage (many times — if you’re like me!)
If you want to start a blog (and you’re afraid of “being seen”) — you’ll have to find a way to put yourself out there anyway.
Choosing to pursue what you’re passionate about is awesome.
But what’s even more powerful is choosing pursue something AND fully accepting (and embracing) whatever comes along with it.
Because if you’re truly passionate about something, you’ll do it willing (with enthusiasm even) despite the not-so-awesome stuff that may come along with it.
“What shit sandwich do you want to eat? Because we all get served one eventually.
Might as well pick one with an olive.” — Mark Manson
And I’ll leave you with this question:
What do you LOVE so much that you’ll endure anything that comes along with it?
That right there — that’s your true passion.
PS. You might also like: 6 Magic Lessons From Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.
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